This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How does it feel to date your dad?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
