She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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