the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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