I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
