Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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