Ambien. No doubt about it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why do cheetos always look like penises
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
