Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
