I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
