once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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