I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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