that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just pee around me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
