i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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