We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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