I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
