Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
