I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
