You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
