I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize