ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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