Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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