i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
