marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just gift wrapped bread.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
