i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
