i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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