New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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