I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize