the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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