I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
