in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
