Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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