Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
