Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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