i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
