the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
