I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dicks are not precious.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
