I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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