I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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