your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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