Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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