you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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