When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
