i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've blown a few things in my day
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
