I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
