On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
