Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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