i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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