and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
