when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
