I want to walk on stilts...naked
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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