True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
