Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
