So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
