Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
