even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
