the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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