It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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