Please, let me fuck your mom
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
