I'll bet she douches with gravy.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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