Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize