When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Drunk is not a location!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize