just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
