So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she told me i tasted like america
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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