Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
