I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
