did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
