WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
