She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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