The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
