I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
