Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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