You work out of a Hotel?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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