he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize