heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
