I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
