how can u be prego again
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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