The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
