Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
