I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize